Confessions of an OTAKU

So, for a few months now, I've been pretty much staying in my alternate world. I thought I was over this, but, I was completely wrong.

I started to be obsessed with anime way back in grade school. It got a bit worse when I was high school. Back then, I would do anything I could to scream to the world how obsessed I am about my current favorite anime show or character. From Ghost Fighter, Dragon Ball Z, Hunter X Hunter and Virtua Fighter - those anime shows that are usually about friendship and adventure, until Fushigi Yuugi, Samurai X and Slam Dunk.

I bought posters, TEXT (those small cards), stickers and other stuff that has the name of my favorite shows or any product that has a picture of my favorite character/s. When I was about 15, I got obsessed with Slam Dunk - I even bought my own basketball and baseball cap (just like Ayako's). I didn't even know how to play basketball then! I just play with it in my room when I'm bored. I also had the chibi figures of Slam Dunk cast. (I have no idea where they are now because I keep moving around!)

I memorized the theme songs of my favorite shows. I even have the lyrics printed on pink or white paper, then I'd post them at the back of my notebooks. Back then, I would use a cassette and a blank tape to record the opening theme and ending songs just so I could listen to them during the weekends. There was no such thing as REPEAT BUTTON, so, if I want to listen to that song again, I have to REWIND the whole thing.

In school, I like it when my classmates call me names from my favorite anime shows. It was such an honor. It was pretty normal for them to see or hear me 'fan girl' like shit when someone mentions Rukawa's name.

At home, I try to minimize the crazy fan-girling act. It was really hard. I knew that my family would never ever understand the fact that I'd rather live inside an anime show instead of going to school on a daily basis and deal with real life. It was literally my world back then. I was able to get through the toughest times of my grade school and high school life because of ANIME. I considered it my ally and my rock. When I'm in it, I could forget about the shitty things in real life, at least for quite sometime. I know that a 'normal' person would never understand what I mean, that's why I have high respect for those few who do.

Anime always finds its way back into my life no matter how many times I try to forget about it. I was already in my early twenties when I got addicted to Bleach (my ultimate favorite anime!). I never knew I would still be hooked on a show like this after getting a bachelor's degree. That's when I realized something must be really 'wrong' with me - I'm an OTAKU!

I may not be a hardcore otaku, but, anime would always have a special place in my heart. I may not show it that much in public anymore, but when I get home, turning anime on or reading manga is as normal as taking my shoes off. 

Now that I am living my own life, I have more time to do what I missed doing for a very long time. (I'm really just a kid with paycheck!) When I was at my parents' house, I had to be a good girl and I have to follow rules otherwise I will get punished. Yes, they do have rules such as NO WATCHING OF ANIME ON EXAM WEEK. My grades really spiraled down that time I was crazy about Flame of Recca and Fushigi Yuugi. One of the harshest (non-physical) punishment I ever got was seeing my collection being torn to pieces or being burned to ashes. It left an awful scar in my heart and mind. For a time then, I thought of actually cutting my ties with anime because I don't want to feel that pain ever again and I didn't want my parents to blame anime for all the bad things that's been happening to me. (Hey normal people! I know you think I'm being over dramatic in here, but, hear me out, will ya?!) Being grounded, not being able to turn on the TV when it's anime time and worse - hearing it from the neighbor's house, it nearly killed me back then! I thought the portal to anime world has totally closed. But, like what I said, it found me again! What can I say? The older I get, the more otakus I encounter! It's fate, man! (Hi Lora-chan! I'm talking about you!)

It's not just about the number of anime shows you've seen or how huge your collection is. It's not about how many hours you've spent playing video games nor how many anime conventions you've been to. It's about that bond between you and your favorite anime show (or character) that no one else can see. I think it's about your loyalty to them and the fact that you're actually learning things that are not from school books nor from teachers - that's what I find amazing. You see things in a more positive way; you see hope in every awful situation. You learn to believe in the impossible and just like your favorite characters, you try your best to live your life despite the existence of annoying antagonists. That's what anime is, at least for me. It's not just an obsession, it has been a way of life! 

I know that there are still a lot of people who are totally against this kind of life. It does affect your grades, way of thinking, manners and social life after all. Some otakus might imitate the way high school students act in an anime series. But I'm not stupid enough to think I can act THAT cool in front of my teachers. I can still tell fiction from reality, however, there are others who can't. Maybe they think reality totally sucks so they choose to believe in the fantasy world instead.

I also know that some people might grow out of it, or maybe they'd still be watching anime but not obsessively. That's fine! People change. I used to be addicted to video games for a few years when I was in grade school, but, I got over it. (That's one thing I'm kinda proud of!) But there are still people who might be forever loyal to that way of life. I still couldn't understand how I found my way back to anime. After all these years, I realized it's still a part of me that I'd always cling on to. Time was a huge proof to this. I'm in my late twenties now and I still (internally) freak out the same way I did when I was 12 years old every time I hear anything about Fushigi Yuugi!

It was kinda hard to show this side of me because I am at a time and age wherein I have to face 'reality' and live a 'normal' life. You know? Get a good paying job, get married, have kids, buy a house, buy a car and all those prerequisites to a happy life bla bla bla. Yeah, but this is my life and I think I have the right to live it the way I want to!


  1. live your life because it's you...

    1. haha, really trying my best to! thanks po!

  2. I like it when people tell stories about how they got into their own fan world. After all, every fan girl has a beginning. PS. I er-ow-bwi-ee Rukawa, too. =)

    1. haha~ thanks for reading this post Biya!!! Yeah, you'll only understand the obsession if you know where it began~ I just kinda find it weird that I'm much older than my favorite characters now~ hahahaha!

  3. I can relate. I've been judged growing up because of liking anime. But I think we are now living in a time where anime is more accepted than it was before. I still have all my Samurai X merch -- all in good condition but I don't fawn over them as much anymore. I've moved on to books, but I still do love anime :)

    1. ANIME is my life! Hahaha~ Seriously, I'm just a kid with a pay check! I don't think I can get over ANIME, ever! And I'm still not giving up on my crazy dream of becoming a Manga Translator one day! :)

  4. Wow, Such an amazing art it is. Here, you can check some of the best art kits over here and make some amazing arts too.


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