Maybe you've been wondering what I've been doing these days out of the blogosphere. I hear ya! I'm here to redeem myself again after weeks of going silent. 

Let me share an anecdote from my teenage memory...

My favorite subject in college has got to be psychology. Such a shame I only had three units of that during my freshman year. I really enjoyed the activities and lessons that I've learned from that course. I've always been fascinated by human brain and how it operates. So, way back in 2004, there was a time when we were asked by our professor in Psychology to sketch or paint something on Manila paper - something that symbolizes our personality (or so I can remember). We'd have to present our 'art' in front of the class and give a brief description of our chosen symbol. Let's cut it short, everyone in the class got emotional during their turn (which I think was the main goal of our professor!), except for one. Guess who?

Yeah, it was me!

I turned 16 in 2004. I graduated from high school and started my freshman year in college about two months after the graduation. That was an epic turning point in my life. A lot of crappy things happened to me and my family but I had no choice but to accept them all. I didn't have time to react to every single blow. I just took them all in, like a f*cking robot. So, I thought that activity would somehow help me let out all the emotions that I've been bottling up, but I got disappointed because not a single tear came out during my presentation, yet I am known in my clan as a crybaby!

What the hell happened?

Now that I remember it, it's not that I was trying to suppress my emotions that time. It's just that, they somehow came out while I was in the process of making my art. I got nothing else to say, my art already did it for me! I actually drew a bonfire that time, with a very intense red and orange color representing my fury about the life that I was living that time. I never imagined my life could be that miserable and though I wanted to escape from it, I couldn't. I chose fire because that's pretty much what I was feeling at 16. I remember telling the class "The right amount of fire could give you warmth, sure. But leave it alone for quite sometime and it could burn down an entire village, that's how powerful fire is. Just when you thought you've extinguished it, the fire comes back to life!" 

I said those words with a smile, and I got a lot of weird looks when I was done talking.

There's just too many things going on that time, too many adjustments to make and I honestly thought I couldn't get out of those situations alive. But I did.

It's been fifteen years since I made "the fire speech" but I can still remember how I felt before, during and after my presentation. I remember feeling calm and collected, which is totally weird for someone with an inborn anxiety. 

As I get older, I become more and more aware of my anxiety triggers and since I've been trying my best to practice and promote self-love these days, I make sure to avoid them at all costs. Things like staying in a crowded place for too long, having small talks with people I don't trust, too much heat and lack of sleep - to name a few, they exhaust the shit out of me! Sometimes, I have no choice but deal with them. But now that I am aware of my limits, I make sure to stock up on enough energy so I can deflect my triggers if I really have to.

Turns out, that activity from my Psychology class was a huge hint to me that making art is an easy and effective way to keep my anxiety at a bay. It's actually not just for anxiety, art can also help us cope with trauma and loss and it could help us boost our self-esteem. It is generally a form of therapy. 
There's a science behind this art therapy and I strongly believe in it because I can literally feel the changes in my mood and behavior every time I work on my art. I become a little less 'BEASTLY'. Even if I am always trying to put my best foot forward, I still feel whirlwinds of emotions from time to time. I get pissed off, I throw things, I overthink, I doubt, I overeat and I break down just like most people. Perks of being a human, yo! But learning how to control these intense emotions screams a deeper level of wisdom and grace...and I'm loving it!

According to Psychology Today, "Art therapy is founded on the belief that self-expression through artistic creation has therapeutic value for those who are healing or seeking deeper understanding of themselves and their personalities.

If you've read my other posts, you can trace back that losing my Grandpa was a huge factor that led me to watercolor painting. This is how I've learned how to cope with another round of depression. I've been sketching all my life (I love sketching after school, after work or during my coffee breaks) and creativity naturally runs in our family, but painting was not something I was interested in when I was younger. I do it if I have to for art classes, yeah, but that's it. And though I grew up being surrounded by huge cans of paints and brushes, I never thought I would one day pick up a brush and use it myself to seriously create my own artwork. 

Let me share with you some of the paintings I've been working on recently.

I also started selling some of my artworks though my customers are still limited to my friends, coworkers, former coworkers and relatives. 

I get SO stoked every time I go to the bookstore where I get these bookmarks laminated. I love seeing my artwork coming out of the laminating machine, ready to be delivered or sold. Though the process of making art itself is already exhilarating, I still can't help smiling like kid who just won a tub of ice cream when I see the finished products. Bonus point when people say good things about them too! 

So, that's what has been keeping me preoccupied these days. I'm spending less time in the digital world to hone my analog skills, but very soon, I know I'll find my way back to the blogosphere. I'll be preparing for more content soon! Hope you guys are doing fine! We are halfway through 2019, yay! Can you believe that? Time does fly when you're having fun, I guess? So, how have you been? I'd love to hear from you as well. Drop a comment down below and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.


If you'd like to inquire and/or purchase my art, please send an me an email and I'll find a way to make it happen!


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